Well curiosity got the better of me and I have purchased a carton of Oatly, I have just taken my first tentative sip and I have a few initial thoughts....
1. Why would you do this to yourself? At what point in your life do you decide that you hate your tastebuds enough that you are going to subject them to this?
2. CHALK! It says calcium in the ingredients but, from mouth feel alone, they appear to have hidden a metric fücktonne of the stuff in there.
3. Did someone use this to have a bowl of Allbran before transferring it to the carton? Someone mentioned it had a slightly oaty taste. Slightly! Mother of god it’s entirely oaty, there is no other flavour involved. Someone has taken a bag of oats, used science to extract all the oat flavour and has then added that to a bottle of chalk and water.
Sooooo, in the interests of fairness and, as James Hoffman is so fond of saying “so that you don’t have to”, I have turned some of it into a flat white.....
1. NO, just no, wrong wrong wrong!
2. I feel dirty and used.
3. Coffee beans deserve better than this, they have endured enough in their sorry little lives, yanked from the bush they grew up on, deprived of their clothes and then shipped around the globe to be roasted and then ground up in terrifying machines before being doused in boiling water. At least give the poor things the dignity of tasting nice at the end of their ordeal!
Dear god I can still taste the oats!